You think it’s easy working at an ad agency? Aside from the stress, deadlines, creative angst, illicit drug use and prostitutes, we at Magneto have an added burden to bear in our physical regimen–hundreds and hundreds of steps every week. You see, our dwelling on Oak Street, The Dielschneider Building, is the third oldest brick building in Portland and has no elevator. As the building was rehabbed sometime back in the late 70’s or early eighties, there was no ADA code for things like elevators. So it’s stairs or nothing. Magneto HQ rests atop the building on the third and fourth floors. Hence, each day we ascend and descend on average, per person, a minimum of 208 steps a day. That’s 1,040 steps a week. Now add to that the additional 18 steps from the 3rd to the 4th floors and you’ve got an average of an additional 108 daily steps (6×18) or 540 weekly. Total: 1580. But wait, there’s more. In the parking garage, there are 26 steps. Up and down, a minimum of 52 per day/260 per week. Grand total: 1840 minimum. It’s probably closer to 2500 or 3000 but no matter, you get it. So yes, from all our daily stair climbing we are as healthy as horses and we do all have buns of steel but the point is if you want to work with us, be prepared for some exercise. We always get a kick out of the inevitable “whew” when a newbie arrives at our door. But don’t worry, we’ve got all the comforts of home to soothe your weary self, including ice cold beer, a deck that overlooks the Willamette and later, once you’ve cooled off, the famed Magneto hot tub.

If you needed to spend a little more time with the graphic that started this out, you can have a longer look here. Maybe even download it, print it out, hang it above your bed for inspiration next to your Raquel Welch poster (you cheeky monkey).