“Bob might not be wearing Magneto red, but he bleeds Magneto red.“ –Coach T

On a dark and bitter Tuesday night at University Park in North Portland the Magneto PAF Softball team witnessed an act of heroism that must be mentioned in the permanent archives of the world wide web. Bob Thompson sacrificed not only of himself, but of his soul. A fire had broken out in a nearby house and the hero in question was of course first in to save any pity inspiring creature that didn’t have the two cents to save itself. After saving two armloads of babies, five kittens, one blind dog, and leading a pony out of the collapsing basement Bob heard over the roaring inferno behind him the swift and ruthless crack of a bat sending a softball right out to his current position of left center fielder. Where most would fall over from smoke inhalation and heat exhaustion panting about having done their good deed for the day, Bob mustered all the strength left within him and sprinted to the rapidly dropping yellow streak of a softball. As mere inches remained between his well worn glove and the ball an endangered panda cub that had been clinging to his back in fear sneezed and whipped around to block his eyes with its little pink hands. This didn’t stop our MVP in the slightest as the ball still fell directly into the pocket of his glove, yet tragedy struck again as the fire had weakened the leather of his glove and the ball went right through the glove itself to strike Bob directly in his award winning face. Silence fell over all of North Portland. In slow motion Bob Thompson went to his knees and in slow motion we saw his hand reach out to try and catch the ball with his blood and ash covered hands, yet the ball had bounced to far away since his chiseled face was so, well, chiseled.

In a moment it was over and the ball rolled into the grass of the outfield. Like a finely tuned machine the Magneto Outfield got the ball in to prevent any runs from scoring and then immediately lifted their fallen comrade off the field to the safety of the sidelines. As a touch of class, Magneto always has a doctor on hand and Bob was quickly treated and feeling as cool as a cucumber in about ten minutes. He begged and pleaded to finish out the inning but for safety purposes was asked to sit out the rest of the game. Needless to say we thought a recount of the tale was only fitting so that the heroic deeds of Bob Thompson never fade into the indifferent pages of history, but be forever remembered in the pages of the branding giant that is Magneto Brand Advertising.

Thank you Bob Thompson. Rest well good friend.

UPDATE: Our hero Bob is on the mend and honestly, just a little bummed he wont have any new scars to impress all those dangerrous ladies with. Keep on the up and up and we will return that bottle of Bengay since it looks like youre doing fine.

Share: